Christian Grey is a character that is in need of a lot of help. Despite his "interesting" extra-curricular activities, he appealed to me as someone who had it rough and had to find a way to cope. I can understand his character because everyone can at one point or another experience something that will be too much for him or her to understand. When the pain is too much, one looks for a way to cope. Mr. Grey made me think about my own way of coping up.
When my dad passed on when I was 19 and my siblings were 16, 14 and 7, I thought it was pain that will never go away. It was a kind of pain that is so many shades darker than breaking up with a boyfriend or having a fight with a friend. It was like drowning in the middle of the ocean and not seeing any possibility of help from anyone and anywhere.
My mom and my siblings needed me to be strong and so I became strong, at least in appearance... at least in front of them. I wasn't taking sh*t from anyone. If anyone gives my family sh*t, I made sure they'd hear from me. I made sure they would listen. I was strong.
They didn't have to know I was smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes in school every day so I can control my breathing and my crying. They didn't have to know I was scared I wouldn't be able to stand up to the challenge. They didn't have to know I wasn't sure I was strong enough to push us all past that loss.
We made it somehow. Years passed and the memories that are left are those of happier times. Then my mom had to go too.... unexpectedly and oh so suddenly.
When mom passed on, I was already with my very own Anastasia Steele. My Anastasia Steele held my hand when things were too rough. I coped by working full time and trying to maintain a home for my siblings. I coped through tiring myself so I won't have to feel sad or to confront the void I was feeling. I got off from work at 2pm, got home at 3pm then I would start cooking dinner, cleaning the house, doing a bit of laundry so I would be dead tired by 8pm and not have time to think or grieve.
My experiences have led me to become a little more understanding of people. We will all go through things that will hurt us. We will all experience things that will change how we view life. In Mr. Grey's case, he saw himself as unworthy of love and that led him to live a very "colorful" secret life. In my case, my experiences have made me see possibilities in everything.
Going beyond what is erotic and sensual in Mr. Grey's life, I saw his story as a love story. I am happy Mr. Grey found freedom in the end. I am happy he found love that embraced all that he is, scars and all. I hope we all do find our happy endings.
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