Back from Hibernation... with Vengeance

Back from hibernation

I have purposely stayed away from doing anything online for a few weeks. Part of the changes I have had and still having from childhood to adulthood is trying to convey my thoughts more diplomatically as much as I can. If I wrote anything during my hibernation, there wouldn't be anything diplomatic in any of them. You see, I'm sure I offend people at times but I don't do it because I just want to be mean. Usually, shamefully, I offend people while I was trying to be funny. In fact, a friend told me recently that people just have to get used to my idea of funny.

Anyway, I have stayed offline because I felt like my sad and angry thoughts were not worthy of being seen and read by people online. I mean we all have our own crosses to bear in life, why would I want to subject you to my never-ending, life-consuming journey to do better than before in everything I do? In a way, I think, I'd like to share only those thoughts that I have already been able to refine. I believe I'd be able to help more with my refined thoughts than with my work-in-progress thoughts. Also, I guess I still want to maintain a sense of mystery in what I write. I write stuff that can be interpreted as a totally different thing from what I really have in mind. I find a certain sense of .... balance between my online self and my inner self and anonymity.

While I was hibernating, I was healing a broken heart but not in the romantic way. There were friendships I had to let go of and there were goals I have already set my mind on that I had to put behind me. I also needed time to regain myself. I have let myself be subjected to some major renovation just so I could fit in. I had to call my real self back to the surface. There were quite a few things I was going through all at once.

All the while I was going through all these things, my husband has been very supportive. I only needed to tell him I need space and time to process my feelings. I only needed to ask and he gave it to me. I'm very thankful that my husband gave me the space I needed to make sense out of the feelings I was feeling.. anger, sadness, a sense of loss of direction. I was in the "grieving" stage for about a week.

The following week, I started a DVD marathon. I saw and saw again seasons 1 to 3 of Vampire Diaries. I guess I chose that show because whatever I was going through can't compare to the problems of that show's characters. Imagine being a vampire and a "vegetarian" vampire at that! what could be more complicated than that?

The few weeks after that were the most fun. I read. I read a lot. I bought quite a few books on fiction and Celtic Mythology. I revisited some books I've already read in the past. I read the Chronicles of Narnia for the first time. I got a book on paper cutting which I started doing too. I started reading atuff for school. I read, I read a lot and I enjoyed it tremendously. I felt like my brain started working again. I felt like I was rejuvenated. Surprisingly, I was energized by being alone with my thoughts.

Now, I am taking baby steps, cautious baby steps and I'm hopeful. Here's to finding our very own places under the sun.