Written on January 18, 2017
I woke up today feeling tired and worn. I didn't sleep much last night. My brain was busy thinking about nothing in particular. I think my brain never stopped thinking even I as slept.
Throughout the day, I went back and forth between hope and despair. I bathed and dressed and by 11AM, I was ready to leave the home any minute. However, the truth is I did a lot of things so I won't have to go to the doctor. I took at least 2 naps. I ate very slowly. I watched TV. I cleaned the room a bit. I prayed for peace in my heart.
Come 3PM, I still wasn't sure about going. My husband was stuck with work stuff so I really had to go alone. At 3:12PM, I texted him to ask him not to get mad at me but I really do not wish to go alone. He didn't get mad. He probably expected I'd chicken out at some point.
At 3:30PM, I left. I prayed to God while traveling. I told Him I'm not scared about meeting Him because I'm now sure of His love for me. What I feel scared about is the idea that I may not have done enough for those I love. I prayed to God and asked Him to care for my husband, my siblings and everyone I care for. I asked Him to remind all my loved ones that things happened the way He willed it.
The Breast Clinic at the Providence Hospital in Quezon Ave. closes at 5PM so I took the MRT but in my heart of hearts, I was hoping not to make it on time. I got there in the nick of time. I have in my hands now the results of yesterday's test. I don't understand anything stated on it and the doctor, unfortunately, isn't in. I didn't mean for this online diary to be more than 2 parts but even this online diary is not within my control.
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